A Farewell to Armoires

I’ve been obsessed with minimalism for the past year or so and now that I finally, FINALLY have my own place (apartment tour, coming soon) I’ve been tearing through my belongings like a child on Christmas morning.

That’s a lie. I’m actually very organized and methodical.

I’ve turned into the polar opposite of that person who just can’t get enough. I just can’t get rid of enough! But one element always stops me in my tracks: sentimentality. One minute I’m KondoMari-ing the sh*t out of my closet and the next I stumble across a t-shirt I wore once and acknowledged it just doesn’t work for me but I just can’t let it go because that one time I did wear it I met someone really cool and if I get rid of it then, obviously, that memory will also disappear.

I’m fairly rational and I know this way of thinking is illogical and could very well lead to a feature on Hoarders, so I’ve come up with a solution. Rather than take photos of the items in question, (honestly, what would I do with a photo of a pair of leggings?) I wrote them obituaries of sorts, before sending them off to find new, loving homes.


Dearest dancing-cartoon-cat leggings,

I stumbled upon you while killing time at Aeon Mall in Phnom Penh. I had just watched the Minions movie by myself and was feeling a little emotionally vulnerable until you came along. I just had to have you, and your glorious tutu-clad kitty illustrations. Yes, you barely stretched over my thighs despite being size XXL, but I never felt cooler than when I paired you with my knock-off Docs and knit grandma-shawl. I may never be able to say, “I’ll be the girl wearing cartoon-cat leggings,” again, but I’d rather remember our fond times together than my fears of you splitting across my bicycling-enhanced backside. Farewell.

Sweet, sweet gray, off-the-shoulder top,

I know in reality you are merely a cheap, off-season H&M shirt but I found you at Lucky Mall and you became somewhat of a security blanket to me. If I ever felt overly-exposed on a bartending shift, I’d just throw you over my dress. You added comfort to literally every outfit and featured prominently in my first illustrations. I’m honestly having a really hard time letting you go, but our dalliances have grown few and far between because the holes in your shoulder make me nostalgic and you tend to stretch out rather quickly. And you really weren’t meant to be an off-the-shoulder top. I have a narrow upper-body and you are two sizes too big. As I’m writing this I’m realizing you have a lot more cons than pros so I probably shouldn’t be having such a hard time letting you go. Au revoir.

My darling Google/IO t-shirt,

You didn’t really belong to me so by holding on to you I’ve been subconsciously holding on to an ex. You understand why I have to let you go, right? Even though I feel really cool and tech-y when I wear you I didn’t actually go to that conference, so I also tend to feel a tad fraudulent. I just can’t have that type of negatively in my life. Ta.

Beautiful, flowy green dress from Bali,

Let’s be honest, you do not properly cover my bum. While this may have helped with tips back at the bar, in my day-to-day life it’s a bit inappropriate and leaves me feeling exposed. I’m an anxious person and don’t want to add to that anxiety by wearing you. Also, you somehow developed a hole in what little fabric did cover my backside and I’m too lazy to mend it. It seems like yesterday that I snatched you up in Ubud. We had some marvelous times during that week in Bali before you shrunk. I’ll never forget how you enhanced my photos in front of the terraced rice fields. We do have quite a few pictures together. I’ll cherish them the way I cherished you. Go with love.


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