My dog has a knack for popping a squat at the most inopportune times. Like right outside someone’s house as they pull into the driveway. Or by a stop sign so all the morning commuters get a front row seat. Or when a hot guy jogs by. Actually, that one has never happened but it’s my greatest fear and now that I’ve written it into existence the universe will find a way to make it happen. Thanks, Universe. You’ve always got my back.

And since this is a neighborhood with one of those fancy homeowner’s associations I get to pack up puppy’s little presents to carry home. I’ve gotten really good at pretending to be a responsible neighbor with signature moves such as, “The Fake Out” and “See No Evil, Clean No Evil”.