When I was wee tot I used to come home from school with peanut butter smeared all over my face. This happened pretty much everyday since everyday I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch. My parents became very concerned that I didn’t have functioning nerve endings around my mouth. I grew so self conscious about it I began compulsively wiping my mouth during meals, because truth be told, I can’t feel when I have food on my face.

I love food and even if I had functioning face-nerves I would still be a messy eater. If I don’t have food on my mouth, it’s on my shirt. Once I found muffin crumbs in my hair and couldn’t remember the last time I’d even had a muffin, although that sounds more like a general hygiene issue… Someone once told me they could always tell what I’d had for my last meal because its remnants would be somewhere on my person.

At the moment I have apricot jam on my shirt… Breakfast was out of control.