So far 2015 has been a bit bumpy, but not just for me. Some friends and I decided it’s time to take matters into our own hands and restart our 2015 in April (March is complete write-off), which seemed fitting since it’s nearly Khmer New Year.
I have a tendency to sway towards the sarcastic, sometimes causing my outlook on pretty much everything to be a bit bleak. That’s (hopefully) changing. As part of my new, New Year I’m determined to see the silver lining and express more gratitude.
I’ve tried “gratitude journaling” in the past but was never able to take my self seriously enough, e.g. I’m thankful for coffee and it’s ability to make other people tolerable. Kind of misses the mark…
Besides trying to be a more positive person in general here are a few of the things I’m looking forward to:
(Khmer) New Year’s Resolutions
I started this year off on the wrong foot and have been wobbling about ever since. Although I will never find actual “balance” (sometimes I trip over the air) I want to find that happy medium in between being grounded where I am and dreaming/working towards my future goals. My head has a tendency to stay stuck in the clouds often fantasizing about where else I can be. I think it’s important to have goals and a vision for your future, but also to remain present and positive about where you are in life at this moment.
Getting my sh*t together.
There’s a Shoshanna from Girls quote I currently have set as my desktop picture and it serves as a reminder that I am in control of what happens to me, at least in the sense that I decide how I react in any given situation and it’s never too late to take steps to alter your circumstances.
Discovering who “I am”.
I know, I know… a little bit of bile did build in my throat after I wrote that, especially considering my past views on the subject. Recently someone asked me, “So are you trying to find yourself?” I think I snorted in response, but I’ve been thinking about it ever since. I can tell you what I do, things I like, where I’m from, but does any of that really define me? What gets me up-and-at-em every morning?
Still, I strongly believe you can’t take someone else’s journey and use it as a formula for self-discovery. We are also constantly evolving, but I’d like to know myself well enough to know what’s best for me. If that makes sense?
Stop apologizing, stop making excuses.
By all means, apologize for stepping on someone’s toe or backing into your neighbor’s car! I’m just done apologizing for wanting certain things out of life (an interesting career, a relationship) and feeling the constant need to explain myself.
I recently bought new sheets. Did I really need them? No. Could I have found something similar for way less money? Yes. But when I come home after hours of work do they make me feel more relaxed? Yes. Do they remind me of my ability to take care of myself? Yes.
I’m also over making excuses, mostly to myself. What is that’s phrase? If not now, then when?
I’ve gotten so used to telling myself I’m not good enough, I need more experience, etc. basically anything to avoid taking the risks I need to sort my life out. Not anymore.
According to my horoscope for 2015:
“You have already reinvented yourself many times, and you are bound to do so again and in a big way in 2015. This could mean the realization of a dream connected to a cause or a passion that is close to your heart. You should enter 2015 with a positive feeling and a lot of anticipation and hopefulness. Don’t lose that spark of enthusiasm, and you can make the coming year even better than the last.”
While I’m not a stargazer by any means, I do believe “predictions” can help you put a new spin on a certain situation. And so I’m going to choose to believe that (starting now) this year is going to be full of realizations; figuring out what I want out of life and who I want to be.