Getting Back Up

I know I’m a bit late to the whole “New Year” post craze but I haven’t written anything in a while and I am in need of both reflection and anticipation.

For me, 2013 was a year of transitions. I graduated university, moved back home, started my first office job, quickly realized office jobs aren’t for me, and moved to Cambodia. With little over a week left to the year I survived a head-on collision with a speeding motorbike, broke my first bone, and underwent my first operation. I barely made it out of the hospital in time to usher in the New Year.

Although 2014 only just begun I can already see new themes emerging. No matter how hard I’ve been hit or far I’ve fallen, I have to get back up. No matter how badly I’ve been hurt in the past I can’t let it stop me from moving forward. 2014 will be a year of overcoming my fears, both physical and emotional.

In 2014 I resolve to:

Get back up. I’ve started cycling again, albeit very slowly. I’m learning that “It’s just like riding a bike” isn’t as simple as it sounds. My body knows what to do while my mind floods with panic every time I have to make a left turn or see headlights racing towards me… It’s a work in progress.

Keep an open mind. I know it’s hard to believe but I’ve got a pretty closed mind regarding certain things. Yes, I gave up a well-paying job to move across the globe to a country I knew nothing about to work as a volunteer for a company I had only just discovered, but when someone brings up topics like settling down and buying houses my mind slams shut. I am more comfortable with the unknown because even though the possibility exists I may not like a particular country, I can move on. At the moment a lot of my friends are taking on careers and long-term relationships and I want to be there for them the way they’ve been supportive of me.

Keep an open heart. The thought of commitment makes me shake in my flip-flops. I don’t mean to sound like I hate monogamy or lead a promiscuous lifestyle I’m just scared. As I mentioned before, I’m too restless to understand why anyone would want to stay in one place for a prolonged period of time, so how am I supposed to imagine meeting one person I’ll want to be with forever. I tend to avoid relationships all together. I’m drawn to transient people because I know they are moving on and I don’t have to worry about disappointing or hurting them. I’m realizing though that in order to truly love and be loved you have to open yourself up and become vulnerable.

Lean a little bit. I’ve always prided myself on how independent I am. Honestly, I had a cushy upbringing and my parents are incredibly supportive, but I didn’t let it stop me from working hard and making my own decisions. I’ve had people to lean on my whole life I just rarely took them up on the offer. After my accident I realized how important it is to let yourself be taken care of every now and then.

Remember the possibilities are endless. I know this one sounds a bit cheesy. #sorrynotsorry. I am young and the future is wide open.

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